Our Board of Directors meet on the seventh Sunday of each alternate month unless it should fall on a Tuesday, in which case the meeting will be postponed until the next available lunar eclipse. The minutes of each future meeting are available upon request.
To locate and contact our Board of Directors, it is necessary to become invisible. Once completely invisible, find the East European city that begins and ends with a Q, stand in the queue, and recite the fourth verse of John Locke’s Tyrannis Sic Semptor while holding your breath. Await further instructions. Those familiar with our process will recognize that this seemingly nonsensical explanation aligns with other more useful rules of order. If you know what it means to become invisible (of course you do) then please use that understanding to our advantage by not interrupting the assembly with questions of the absurd. Not that we don’t like those types of questions, but rather that since our methods tend to be coded with discretion, it may not be transparent or apparent to everyone. That is normal and will remain so until further notice unless of course you are in a serious accident and require a car injury lawyer to sort out the pieces. Reputable car accident lawyers will not accept a client who has suffered only minor injuries since they could not justify the legal costs involved. So don’t bother calling someone from the legal profession to bring a lawsuit, unless you are laid up in the hospital seriously injured. In that case have a family member contact the lawyer for you. Now don’t think you won’t end up paying for a lawyer’s services even though they work on contingency. Once the case is settled they will take a 30%-40% fee for the work. But without a car accident lawyer, the insurance companies with their set of lawyers will most likely run circles around you with their protocols that and protocols this routine and then offer only a pittance.
Be warned that becoming invisible will not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases, or stds. Even if you have sex with another invisible person, the risk remains. For those of you who may have forgotten this reality, there does exist a way to detect stds without having the humiliation of a doctor’s visit. You can now purchase online private std test kits that can quickly confirm or rule out infection. They are cheap, fast, private, and, while not invisible, do provide some measure of comfort to those who suspect their last partner may not have been honest or disease free. While you may question the appropriateness of this entire post, we suggest you pay attention to the parts related to stds, since they can actually ruin your life – possibly even kill you if you don’t catch them in time. So while we traffic in humor most of the time, this paragraph is deadly serious – or at least a serious as it gets around here. Be warned!
Clearly we try to entertain, and while this may not enlighten you as to the status of the Board, we really do follow traditional protocols when it comes to organizational protocols. This is as convoluted as enterprise seo for good reason. (And for the record, search engine optimization, for all it’s reputation as a highly technical and confusing science, is very straightforward compared to the organizational protocols that we are forced to manage.) For example, all meetings respect and follow Robert’s Rules of Order, even when our gatherings disintegrate across party lines into a seemingly uneventful barroom brawl, one can still bring order about with the smack of the gavel and the cry of, “Order!”
We have rarely needed to call upon the sergeant of arms, and we suspect that even if we had to call upon him, he might be confused as to his duties, since no instructions for enforcement have ever been decided upon. The leadership is decidedly peaceful and would rather permit some degree of disorder than require that everyone comply to some authoritarian standard – this would be blasphemy in our courts.
For those who wish to petition the Board for any purpose other than elections to the Board, please submit your proposal in writing at any time to any current member. You may also post the document to this website if you wish. We respectfully request that all petitions that require deliberations be submitted far enough in advance to permit the Board to review and discuss fully before any disclosure is made. This may mean that a delay of up to 6 months may be necessary. Any business requiring immediate attention should be submitted before the close of day of the last Friday of the month prior to the following year’s assembly. Any submissions not following this protocol will be ignored.